


Infiltration 101

by Boxstorm



Category: The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Gen, SHIELD Academy, Vignette, probably a bit of crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 22:46:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1619717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boxstorm/pseuds/Boxstorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick Fury is not good at infiltration.</p>
<p>OR</p>
<p>Why full-fledged SHIELD Agents think that a baseball cap makes you invisible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Infiltration 101

Nick Fury is not good at infiltration. Nick Fury is good at bursting in guns blazing. Nick Fury is good at putting the fear of God (or the fear of Nick Fury) into a man. Nick Fury is seriously good at taking down the bad guys with minimal effort. But Nick Fury is not good at infiltration. Nick Fury has one eye. Nick Fury covers his bad eye with a damn eyepatch. Nick Fury wears a black leather trenchcoat everywhere he goes, even in summer. Nick Fury is not good at infiltration.

Which is why it’s so strange that when the infiltration seminar for third year SHIELD recruits comes up, and Agent Vitkosky (who incidentally could be standing right next to his own mother at her intimate birthday party and still not be identified) calls in sick, that Director Stoner asks Nick Fury to cover it.

Fury wants to say ‘no’. Wants to look himself up and down pointedly, and raise his eyebrow at the Director. But when The Director tells you to do something, if your answer is anything other than “Sir, yes Sir!” you tend to find yourself somewhere cold and dark for very long periods of time.

Which is how Fury ends up here, in front of a room of thirty-odd young adults, most of whom are looking at him expectantly, as though he’s about to blow them away with his understanding of the finer points of going places unseen. He looks himself up and down again, just to make sure that he’s still the least subtle person he’s ever met. He is. Still, there’s no getting out of this now, and if this is the only seminar on infiltration these recruits get until they’re full-fledged agents, it’s Fury’s responsibility to ensure that they at least get _something_ from it.

“I am Agent Fury.” Fury announces to the room, and waits as the chattering slows to a stop and all eyes turn to him, “Agent Vitkosky is out for the day, and I will be taking his place. This is Infiltration 101. By the end of this seminar, you should have a basic understanding of how a SHIELD Agent makes him- or her-self unseen. That said, I am not an infiltration expert, but I will do my best to ensure that you get what you need from this seminar.”

Fury has made a powerpoint. It took him eleven minutes the morning of the seminar. It uses a gratuitous amount of clip-art, but Fury hadn’t really been paying attention during his SHIELD mandated powerpoint-making lecture, and he feels like he did a pretty good job, considering. Slide three may have a picture of a ninja.

Fury lectures for the full hour, discussing topics ranging from ‘What Hairstyles are the Least Noticable’ to ‘Never Try an Accent. Just Don’t. Seriously.’ And by the end of the seminar, Fury is pretty sure he’s given as good a lecture as he could have hoped for.

 

It takes SHIELD three years to recover from Fury’s infiltration seminar. It goes down in history as one of the least accurate teaching sessions SHIELD has ever offered. An entire class of recruits graduates from SHIELD Academy thinking that all it takes to blend into a crowd is a baseball cap, a pair of sunglasses, and a hoodie. SHIELD has thirty plus full agents who are deemed unfit for espionage duty based solely on things Nick Fury taught them in their third year Infiltration seminar. Agent Vitkosky is no longer allowed sick days.


End file.
